Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
