I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We have started to decorate penises.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Randomize
