Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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