do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
