She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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