Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
