I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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