so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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