I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize