I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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