Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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