i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I need to wash the frat house off of me
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
