Capitaan dildo arrescate!
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
