I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize