really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
