I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
