I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
It's never too late to be topless.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
