i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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