Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
