i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
