Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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