I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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