Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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