Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
