grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
