yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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