Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
