he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm at about main and main street
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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