Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize