I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
