wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
i now understand why vodka
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
