"it" just moved
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize