i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
