honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
