I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
