yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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