o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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