I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Can you bring me the toilet please
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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