Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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