so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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