I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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