stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
