He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
