Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
