We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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