If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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