Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
