who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
What a fucking waste of an outfit
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
