wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Randomize
