I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
