He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
