Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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