now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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