Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
