I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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