I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
