Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
