Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
