come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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