Soap is not a condiment
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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