I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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