I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
