people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
