Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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