The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
