Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
