watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
