I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize