Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
