Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
