so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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