the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
