Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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