tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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