is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
